Ghana Joke: Ananse
visits Kofi
Ananse visited his friend kofi .
Kofi called his wife and asked her to serve them drinks.
when the wife was done with the serving, she sat down right
opposite Ananse with her legs open. Ananse could not control himself so he
enjoyed the view. when kofi went inside the house, kofi’s wife said to
Ananse,”do you like what you see”?
Ananse said YES. Kofi’s wife said ,”you can have it, but it
will only cost you ghc 5,000, and Ananse agreed so they fixed a time, 12pm the
next day when the husband kofi, will be at work. So the next day, Ananse came
over at the exact time and they enjoyed themselves then he paid her.
When kofi came back, this was what transpired between them:
kofi: Honey was Ananse here to day?
Wife: [AFRAID] yes
kofi: At 12pm right ?
Wife: [AFRAID ] yes
kofi: OHH, Ananse my good friend, always keeping time …
Wife: Honey, why do you ask?
Kofi: He came over to my office this morning and borrowed
ghc 5,000 from me promising to bring it back to you at the house by 12pm, so
did he bring it ?
* describe Ananse*
- See more at:
http://funnyakposjokes.com/ghana-joke-ananse-visits-kofi/#sthash.NxfH3xnS.dpuf
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Nigerian Churches in 2030
Below is how Nigerian Churches will become in 2030:
PASTOR: Praise the Lord.CONGREGATION: Halleluyah!
PASTOR: Can we please turn our iPads and Kindle Bibles to Exodus 20:1. When you’re done, kindly switch on your Bluetooth to receive the sermon… Please have your debit cards ready as we shall now collect tithes and offering. You can connect to the church WIFI using password Lord99087 and as for the renovation donations, you’re welcome to contribute via EFT or mobile banking. The holy atmosphere is truly electric as the iPads beep and flicker.
CHURCH SECRETARY: This week’s meetings will be held on the various Whatsapp groups so please don’t miss out! Wednesday Bible teachings will be held live on Skype
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Akpos Joke: Money or Life
Akpos, a rich businessman, was coming from the bank when three armed robbers stopped him.
The shortest amongst them shouted at him, “Your money or your life?!”
Akpos was silent for a while. The robber repeated, “Are you deaf?! Your money or your life?!”
Apkos replied, “Wait, give me some time to think about it.”
-See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-joke-money-or-life/#sthash.eJcG8sMO.dpuf
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Akpos Joke: Policeman
Akpos was driving down a street along Lagos, having just finished answering a call,
when a policeman, suddenly, opened the passenger door, entered and jam-locked
it.
(The door lock is faulty)
As usual, the Police wanted ‘something’ from Akpos for making a phone call while driving…
(The door lock is faulty)
As usual, the Police wanted ‘something’ from Akpos for making a phone call while driving…
Suddenly, the policeman saw the big Rottweiler dog, Jackie,
at the back seat of the car, with its tongue stuck out, spittle dripping and
fangs barring, staring fiercely at him.
Policeman: (Shaking) Ah! You carry dog?
Akpos: (Bone face) Yes, I carry dog. That one too be offence?
Policeman: (Feeling uncomfortable) Na where u dey come from?
Akpos: From hospital.
Policeman: Ehen! you sick?
Akpos: No, na person wey the dog bite we go see. The person almost die sef.
Policeman: (Terribly shaken by now) Ehen! But why the dog dey shake head like that?
Akpos: Na so im dey do if e wan bite person.
Policeman: The dog know you?
Akpos: Yes nah, no be my dog?
Policeman: (Sweating) This your door, how you dey open am?
Akpos: How you take enter?
Policeman: Abeg! Na since I dey try open am, but e no open.
(The dog was now getting impatient and gave a small growl, its tongue almost touching the policeman’s left ear).
Policeman: (Now sliding forward)Oga, I take God beg you, open the door for me make I comot. I no go collect anything from you.
Akpos: How much you go pay me?
Policeman: Ah! I neva hustle anythin since morning. Na only N2000 dey with me.
Akpos: You neva ready. (I looked back at the dog).
Policeman: (Shaking) Ah! You carry dog?
Akpos: (Bone face) Yes, I carry dog. That one too be offence?
Policeman: (Feeling uncomfortable) Na where u dey come from?
Akpos: From hospital.
Policeman: Ehen! you sick?
Akpos: No, na person wey the dog bite we go see. The person almost die sef.
Policeman: (Terribly shaken by now) Ehen! But why the dog dey shake head like that?
Akpos: Na so im dey do if e wan bite person.
Policeman: The dog know you?
Akpos: Yes nah, no be my dog?
Policeman: (Sweating) This your door, how you dey open am?
Akpos: How you take enter?
Policeman: Abeg! Na since I dey try open am, but e no open.
(The dog was now getting impatient and gave a small growl, its tongue almost touching the policeman’s left ear).
Policeman: (Now sliding forward)Oga, I take God beg you, open the door for me make I comot. I no go collect anything from you.
Akpos: How much you go pay me?
Policeman: Ah! I neva hustle anythin since morning. Na only N2000 dey with me.
Akpos: You neva ready. (I looked back at the dog).
Policeman: Ok ok ok ok ok, e reach N5000. The other N3000 na
my wife own, but I go give you join.
(Now, close to tears as the dog was becoming really impatient)
Oga, I be……g, Oga, sorry. Take the N5000 make you open the door plssssssse!
(Now, close to tears as the dog was becoming really impatient)
Oga, I be……g, Oga, sorry. Take the N5000 make you open the door plssssssse!
Akpos: Oya, bring am. (He collected the N5000 & allowed
him out of the car)
Policeman: God punish you. Idiot, e no go ever better for you and your yeye dog. Wicked man!!!
Policeman: God punish you. Idiot, e no go ever better for you and your yeye dog. Wicked man!!!
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com
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Akpos
was driving down a street along Lagos, having just finished answering a
call, when a policeman, suddenly, opened the passenger door, entered
and jam-locked it.
(The door lock is faulty)
As usual, the Police wanted ‘something’ from Akpos for making a phone call while driving…
Suddenly, the policeman saw the big Rottweiler dog, Jackie, at the back seat of the car, with its tongue stuck out, spittle dripping and fangs barring, staring fiercely at him.
Policeman: (Shaking) Ah! You carry dog?
Akpos: (Bone face) Yes, I carry dog. That one too be offence?
Policeman: (Feeling uncomfortable) Na where u dey come from?
Akpos: From hospital.
Policeman: Ehen! you sick?
Akpos: No, na person wey the dog bite we go see. The person almost die sef.
Policeman: (Terribly shaken by now) Ehen! But why the dog dey shake head like that?
Akpos: Na so im dey do if e wan bite person.
Policeman: The dog know you?
Akpos: Yes nah, no be my dog?
Policeman: (Sweating) This your door, how you dey open am?
Akpos: How you take enter?
Policeman: Abeg! Na since I dey try open am, but e no open.
(The dog was now getting impatient and gave a small growl, its tongue almost touching the policeman’s left ear).
Policeman: (Now sliding forward)Oga, I take God beg you, open the door for me make I comot. I no go collect anything from you.
Akpos: How much you go pay me?
Policeman: Ah! I neva hustle anythin since morning. Na only N2000 dey with me.
Akpos: You neva ready. (I looked back at the dog).
Policeman: Ok ok ok ok ok, e reach N5000. The other N3000 na my wife own, but I go give you join.
(Now, close to tears as the dog was becoming really impatient)
Oga, I be……g, Oga, sorry. Take the N5000 make you open the door plssssssse!
Akpos: Oya, bring am. (He collected the N5000 & allowed him out of the car)
Policeman: God punish you. Idiot, e no go ever better for you and your yeye dog. Wicked man!!!
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-joke-policeman/#sthash.4oZdt01w.dpuLike Father, Like Daughter
-From naija.com(The door lock is faulty)
As usual, the Police wanted ‘something’ from Akpos for making a phone call while driving…
Suddenly, the policeman saw the big Rottweiler dog, Jackie, at the back seat of the car, with its tongue stuck out, spittle dripping and fangs barring, staring fiercely at him.
Policeman: (Shaking) Ah! You carry dog?
Akpos: (Bone face) Yes, I carry dog. That one too be offence?
Policeman: (Feeling uncomfortable) Na where u dey come from?
Akpos: From hospital.
Policeman: Ehen! you sick?
Akpos: No, na person wey the dog bite we go see. The person almost die sef.
Policeman: (Terribly shaken by now) Ehen! But why the dog dey shake head like that?
Akpos: Na so im dey do if e wan bite person.
Policeman: The dog know you?
Akpos: Yes nah, no be my dog?
Policeman: (Sweating) This your door, how you dey open am?
Akpos: How you take enter?
Policeman: Abeg! Na since I dey try open am, but e no open.
(The dog was now getting impatient and gave a small growl, its tongue almost touching the policeman’s left ear).
Policeman: (Now sliding forward)Oga, I take God beg you, open the door for me make I comot. I no go collect anything from you.
Akpos: How much you go pay me?
Policeman: Ah! I neva hustle anythin since morning. Na only N2000 dey with me.
Akpos: You neva ready. (I looked back at the dog).
Policeman: Ok ok ok ok ok, e reach N5000. The other N3000 na my wife own, but I go give you join.
(Now, close to tears as the dog was becoming really impatient)
Oga, I be……g, Oga, sorry. Take the N5000 make you open the door plssssssse!
Akpos: Oya, bring am. (He collected the N5000 & allowed him out of the car)
Policeman: God punish you. Idiot, e no go ever better for you and your yeye dog. Wicked man!!!
- See more at: http://funnyakposjokes.com/akpos-joke-policeman/#sthash.4oZdt01w.dpuLike Father, Like Daughter
A funny conversation between a man and his daughter. The Girl said: Dad, I’m in love with a boy who is far away from me, even though I am here in Nigeria and he lives in London. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on whatsapp, he proposed to me on skype, and now we have had 2 months of relationship through Viber.
I need your blessings and good wishes, daddy.
Her Dad replied: Wow! Really!! No problem, then get married on twitter, have fun on tango, buy
your kids on e-bay, receive them through gmail and if you are fed up with your husband sell him on OLX. Stupid girl!!!
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Pastor Akpors special delivery
A girl went to see fake Pastor Akpors for prayers and counselling one day, she was seriously crying her eyes out and the following drama ensued:
PASTOR AKPORS: What happened?
GIRL: My boyfriend did a bad thing to me.
PASTOR AKPORS: Did he beat you?
GIRL: No.
PASTOR AKPORS: Did he slap you?
GIRL: No.
PASTOR AKPORS: (hugged her) Did he do this?
GIRL: No.
PASTOR AKPORS: (kissed her) Did he do this to you?
GIRL: No
PASTOR AKPORS: (laid her down & slept with her) Did he do this?
GIRL: No
PASTOR AKPORS: What did he now do na? please tell me so that we can pray about it.
GIRL: (starts crying profusely again) My boyfriend….he….*crying*
PASTOR AKPORS: your boyfriend what, talk na
GIRL: he….gave me…AIDS
Pastor Akpors: Yepaaaaaaaa! God will punish that boy! Chei I don die oh!
One word for Akpors this time around?
GIRL: My boyfriend did a bad thing to me.
PASTOR AKPORS: Did he beat you?
GIRL: No.
PASTOR AKPORS: Did he slap you?
GIRL: No.
PASTOR AKPORS: (hugged her) Did he do this?
GIRL: No.
PASTOR AKPORS: (kissed her) Did he do this to you?
GIRL: No
PASTOR AKPORS: (laid her down & slept with her) Did he do this?
GIRL: No
PASTOR AKPORS: What did he now do na? please tell me so that we can pray about it.
GIRL: (starts crying profusely again) My boyfriend….he….*crying*
PASTOR AKPORS: your boyfriend what, talk na
GIRL: he….gave me…AIDS
Pastor Akpors: Yepaaaaaaaa! God will punish that boy! Chei I don die oh!
One word for Akpors this time around?
Joke:
Akpos was by attacked by the armed robbers at about 2am but was able to escape through the back with his phone.
He immediately dialed the emergency number and had the discussion below with the police;
police : hello, this is the police headquaters, how may i help you?
Akpos : Good, this is a real case of SOS, robbery attack in my house help me contact the vigilante group, please!
Police : how do you mean, why the vigilante group?
Akpos : i want effective arrest without sympathy,sir!
Police : what makes you think police could have sympathy those robbers?
Akpos : i\’m sure at the end non of them may be arrested by the police because blood is thicker than water.
Police : ?????
Do you think Akpos is a coward?
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